


can't remember what i used to fight for

by lullatone



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buckley parent angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Season 4 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28370802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullatone/pseuds/lullatone
Summary: (Based on the scene from Buck at the punching bag from the most recent trailer)“Do you wanna-““Talk about it?” Buck grunts, the bag swings. “Not really.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 17
Kudos: 410
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	can't remember what i used to fight for

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yall! This is from a tumblr prompt sent to me by my pal dhyl! "based off the promo, so spoilers i guess? buck's taking out his frustrations on the boxing bag, and eddie is standing there, tryna get him to talk about it. eddie eventually has to stop buck and as he reaches out, buck just falls, crying, into eddie's chest. also would love to see an apology for the "you're exhausting" comment."
> 
> I tweaked it a little, but I'm still happy with it regardless! Enjoy!

**_bam_ **

**_bam_ **

**_bam_ **

The punching bag swings violently as Buck whacks it harder each and every time, barely taking any time between his punches. 

He’d been working at the bag for about ten minutes, Eddie wandering over around minute seven. 

It doesn’t really look like exercise anymore. In fact, it looks more like Buck is trying to exhaust himself, expel the energy thats wound him up so tight, set a permanent tightness in between his brows. 

“Do you wanna-“

“Talk about it?” Buck grunts, the bag swings. “Not really.”

Eddie hates to pry, but he can’t remember the last time he’s seen Buck this _angry._ In fact he isn’t sure he ever has. 

“I’m assuming this is about your parents being in town?”

**_bam_ **

**_bam_** , a quick one two that shakes the metal stand of the bag, rocking it against the floor, and Eddie’s starting to get worried that any harder and the damn thing’s gonna fly across the room.

Buck replies with a simple yet harsh,“Yeah.”

Eddie had been informed of the Buckley parents visit but told Buck that he was there to help however he could. They’d been together for a few months now and under normal circumstances, Eddie would be excited to meet the people who brought the man he loves into the world.

But these aren’t normal circumstances. 

Eddie isn’t offended when Buck doesn’t invite him over to meet the family. Most people don’t want to bring their boyfriend to the dinner where the parents are going to meet your sister’s boyfriend/father of her child. 

Eddie just wishes he knew what exactly had gone down so he could understand, so he could help Buck get through whatever this was.

Him and Chim had arrived that morning in a sour mood, and while Chim wasn’t taking his frustrations out on a bag, Eddie had seen him playing pool by himself with much more malice than usual. 

Buck takes a split second to wipe his forehead with the back of his hand before he’s back to it, eye’s never straying from looking dead ahead and nowhere else.

**_bam_ **

**_bam_ **

“Just know that whatever it is, I’m here for you, alright?” 

There’s no vocalization, just a simple head nod that anyone else might miss if they weren’t playing close enough attention. 

Eddie stands there and watches as Buck continues to pound away at the bag, and he has to admit that it’s starting to look painful. He knows that Buck should’ve taken a breather a while ago, and the exhaustion is becoming apparent on Buck’s face as he continues his exercise.

**_bam_ **

**_BAM_ **

The hit is so loud that it turns heads, a few people hanging by the trucks turning to look Buck’s way.

Eddie decides it’s gone on long enough.

“Hey, I uh- I think it’s time for a break now.”

Buck doesn’t acknowledge it, hitting the bag again. 

Eddie reaches out hesitantly, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“ _Ev_ , come on-”

The tension leaks out of Buck, his shoulders dropping almost immediately as he sucks in a shuddering breath. His swing falters, gloved hand whacking the bag with such little effort it barely swings. Buck stops, resting his forehead on his glove, eyes closed, the other hanging limply at his side. 

His voice is quiet, so quiet that if Eddie weren’t standing so close he probably wouldn’t hear it. “ _Fuck_.” Buck inhales sharply, and the next sound to come out of him is a sob. 

Shit.

Eddie hates the idea of prying eyes, of anyone on the 118 seeing Buck like this when he clearly needs to be in private.

“C’mere, let’s walk.” 

He’s holding Buck up, arm around his back as he quickly guides them past the lockers and into the vestibule between the restrooms and the showers. It’s thankfully empty at this time of day, and Buck’s aching sobs echo off the clean tile walls as Eddie gently lowers him down to the floor to sit.

Eddie follows him down, kneeling down next to him and taking Buck’s gloved hands in his. He undos the velcro on the wrists, gently taking the gloves off and setting them onto the floor. Even with the protection, Buck’s knuckles are red and tender from overuse.

Eddie has seen Buck cry before. He’s seen him cry after Red died last year. He’s seen him cry from laughing so hard at one of Chim’s jokes. He’s seen him cry because the end of Finding Nemo moved him so much that he had to press his face into Christopher's hair to hide it. But this is different. 

This is gut wrenching sobs, a sound that makes its way into Eddie’s chest and constricts his heart in a cold tight grip. Buck’s chest heaves again and again, and Eddie threads his hand into Buck's hair, guiding his head to press into his shirt.

“I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

Buck follows, fingers grasping at Eddie’s shirt as he curls up into the man, Eddie’s arms wrapping around him.

It feels like they sit there forever; Buck crying and Eddie rubbing soothing circles on his back. Buck’s clinging onto him like a lifeline and when he finally speaks, it sounds like he’s speaking for the first time in days, voice cracked and quiet. 

“They’ve missed _so_ much. They refused to come before, and now when things are starting to go right they think they can come here and-and try and _control_ our lives Eddie.” 

He’d heard bits and pieces from Chim while they sipped their morning coffee. Seemingly absent parents that arrived only to tell Maddie and Buck what they were doing wrong. How it’s too soon for Maddie to have a baby and with a man she isn’t married to no less, how Buck should be doing more, the way they gawked when Buck said he was seeing a therapist. 

Buck makes a pained noise and Eddie pulls him in a little tighter.

“When they left they said how tired we had made them, how exhausted they were from having to deal with us. Is that what my parents think? That I’m _exhausting?_ ” 

Eddie’s throat goes dry and suddenly he’s back in a grocery store in a moment that feels like a lifetime ago. 

_“You’re exhausting.”_

He hadn’t meant it. He was angry, he was sad, he was trying to make sense of a world that only seemed to want to take and take from him, and he took it out on Buck.

He remembers the look on Buck’s face when he said it, the way the light behind his blue eyes sparked and then fizzled out. 

“Hey Buck-baby, look at me.”

He puts a delicate hand under Buck’s chin, tilting it up and away from his chest. His shirt is soaked, a wet circle darkening the fabric; that all pales in comparison to the red ring around Buck’s eyes, the tear stained shine of his cheeks.

“You are not exhausting. I’m sorry your parents said that and I’m sorry that I said it too.”

Buck blinks a few times, shaking his head. “Eds this isn’t about th-“

“I know. But I’m apologizing anyway.” Eddie rests his hand on Buck’s cheek, running his thumb across the skin, wiping away some of the wetness. “You, Evan Buckley, are not exhausting. You are bright and funny and smart and brave and you are _so_ many things, but you are not that.”

Buck cracks a small smile, but it disappears just as quickly. His breathing is starting to calm, his hands no longer shaking from their spot wrapped up in Eddie’s shirt.

“Maddie’s been happy. Happy with Chim and Albert and making a life for the baby. _I’ve_ been happy. I like going to therapy, I like spending my days with you and Chris. Both of us are happy. Why isn’t that good enough for them?”

“Is it good enough for you?”

Buck makes a confused face, and Eddie drops the hand from Buck’s cheek and uses it instead to hold his hand. He rubs his fingers over Buck’s aching knuckles, repeating himself when Buck doesn’t answer. “I said, is it good enough for you? The kind of happiness you have?”

“I uhm, yes. Yes, of course. They just uh-” Buck takes a breath, looking away from Eddie. “They think Maddie and I are settling.That we should be doing _bigger_ things.”

Eddie isn’t exactly sure what that means, but he understands the idea of parents with high expectations, the idea of not being exactly what someone wanted you to be.

“Is it really settling if you’re getting everything that you wanted?”

Buck chuckles softly, tongue poking between his teeth. “You my everything Eddie Diaz?”

Eddie rolls his eyes and huffs, and it’s a relief when Buck’s laughter bounces off the walls in response. 

“You know what I mean.” 

“I do, I do.” Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand tightly, wiping his eyes with the other. “Thank you. I uh, guess I really needed a good cry.”

“You think?”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Buck shoves Eddie lightly in the shoulder before leaning in and kissing him. Before it can become anything beyond a simple peck, Eddie’s brain reminds them that they’re sitting on the floor by the bathrooms and that anyone could walk in at any moment.

“Alright, we better get back out there.” He stands up, brushing off his pants before offering Buck a helping hand off the floor.

He greets him with another kiss, and this time it’s full of Buck’s smile and it warms up Eddie’s aching heart.

“How about we go upstairs and make some hot chocolate. The good stuff, my treat.”

“You _hate_ making the good stuff, always say it’s too much work.” Eddie gives him a look and Buck throws up his hands in defeat. “Hey if you wanna, I’m not complaining.”

He grabs Eddie’s hand and leads them out the door and back into the truck bay and towards the loft stairs. 

Sure, Eddie doesn’t like the mess and the dishes and everything else that comes in making Buck’s favorite drink. But he also knows that it makes him smile, makes Bucks cheeks glow a little brighter.

So hot chocolate it is, if it’s what Buck wants.

If it’s what Buck needs, he’ll do it. Always.


End file.
